


old friend, it's bittersweet

by bughaw



Category: Banana Bus Squad, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, an attempt at least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 07:34:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15138260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bughaw/pseuds/bughaw
Summary: It's been a few years since you've been gone.





	old friend, it's bittersweet

**Author's Note:**

> Kinda, sorta based off eden's "crash." 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

* * *

Everyday was a chore.

 

Lucas woke up wanting to go back to sleep the moment he saw how dark the skies were. The weather decided of all days to match his already sour mood, which only resulted to damping it more. The days leading up to this one hadn’t been easy, it never was. There was a much heavier feeling in his chest, making it more difficult to breathe than usual.

 

It wasn’t something that he could help, though. It happened every year.

 

Curling up deeper into his sheets, he cursed the day ahead. He didn’t want to get up. He didn’t want to leave the comfort his bed provided just to go to a job he never wanted in the first place. Still, he knew he had to. It wouldn’t do him any good if he spent this particular day in bed.

 

So, he moved. The mere act of willing his aching limbs to move brought a wince upon his face. A hiss escaped his cracked lips when the bare skin of his heels touched the cool surface of the floor, and had he been paying more attention, he would have noticed how the hairs on his arm had risen the moment he left his bed.

 

Now standing, he had full view of the outside world. He frowned as slight pitter-patters muddled the silence of his room.

 

Not even five minutes into the day and it was already becoming more and more tempting to sleep it away. But he couldn’t. He shouldn’t.

 

He turned his back to the bed and his warm, rumpled sheets and went to complete his morning routine. There was a numbness to his senses that had long integrated itself into his daily life. He didn’t know what to do with it. He couldn’t get rid of it.

 

So he lived with it. It wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t something he enjoyed. (And at times he found himself wishing that he could just end it all.)

 

With blurry eyes, he set upon preparing something to eat after dressing for the day. However, the sight of cereal floating in milk made him queasy. A frown marred his lips as he tipped his bowl and watched his breakfast go down the drain.

 

A second or two passed before he let go of the bowl with a clang. With a sigh, he took his jacket and wrapped it around his torso like a second skin.

 

He left still wishing he could stay in.

  
  


_“I’m leaving next week.”_

 

_“Where to?”_

 

_“To follow my dreams.”_

 

_“Oh.”_

 

_“Do you want to come with me?”_

  
  


There was a park that he often stopped by on his way to work. It was nothing special, just a small space with dying trees and barely maintained landscaping. The benches were rusting, and the playground almost unsafe to use.

 

It was his haven.

 

As he approached the park, his expectations of it being empty like any other days were shot down.

 

There was a lone figure sitting on the bench that he frequently sat on. He found himself hesitating just a few steps away, before he made up his mind and approached the blond figure and silently dropped down beside it. The man whose hair was pale as his coat was dark barely spared him a glance as he took a deep inhale from his e-cig.

 

To no one’s surprise, Lucas wasn’t bothered by the cloud the man emitted.

 

They sat in silence, Lucas trying to enjoy the cool air on his skin while the man took occasional inhales. He could have spent the rest of the morning doing just that but the man shattered the comfortable silence between them by putting away his mod before addressing him.

 

His voice was something that Lucas had heard before. It sent tingles down his spine. “Are you happy?”

 

At the man’s question, he remembered leaving his small hometown when he was sixteen, hand enclosed in another boy’s. One who had startling similarities to the man beside him.

 

He had been happy then. “Not anymore.”

 

“Then why bother with this?”

 

A wry grin played on his lips. He was alone in a city that could never be his home, going to a job he never wanted in the first place. _To follow my dreams,_ that very special boy had said years ago. “To follow someone’s dreams.”

 

“Why bother when they’re not yours?”

 

Lucas looked up, shoulders drooping just a bit. Beside him, the man watched with startling blue eyes.

 

An accident that couldn’t be helped. Slippery streets, a driver who had too much to drink, and a man who was out too late for a smoke. A man so similar to the one he's sitting next to. Oh. He was going crazy. 

 

"It’s for _you_.”

 

A ghost of a smile appeared on the man's face. “But what about you?”

 

What about him?

 

 _I love you_ , the note had said. The man hadn’t come back from his walk, and Lucas had woken up alone only to be greeted by the grim news. A flame snuffed out too soon. Bright smiles that were no longer in reach.

 

It’s been five years. 

 

“It’s for me, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please do tell me your thoughts about this piece! :)
> 
> if you scream at dumb yters like i do hmu on [twitter](http://twitter.com/bloooie)


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